Things said to me at the End of Year Party

Mom: Was it you who asked me about getting your boobs done? 

Teacher: You can’t plug that mini-crock pot in. The Fire Marshall just got here.

Kid who has been hitting other kids lately: Can you throw this away for me?

Mom: Is one of these boys wearing cologne?

Answers: 

1. No, but thanks for thinking about them.

2. Hot fudge has to be hot. I’ll stand guard. 

3. (in a smiley sarcastic voice) Nope, because you are a little asshole a first grader in one week, and you know what a trash can looks like. 

4. That would be my armpits.