Dear Madison Avenue,
I am completely aware that at my age I should have children in high school, if not college.
You don’t need to remind me with your ads starring the 90210 cast (looking just as tired, old, and embarrassed as me, despite your filters and retouching) and ads featuring music I got drunk to in college.
May I take this opportunity to say ‘bite me’. Stop putting all of us into a category of shoppers who are easily swayed by bright 90s colors and Sperry Topsiders. It was shit clothing then and it is even less inspired when regurgitated.
Stop ruining my past by bastardizing it in the present or I will wipe the floor with you like I did the cocky 16 year old boy who showed up for boxing yesterday. You know… the one who should be my son.